


Life is Like a Song

by Vikki93



Series: Shades and Shadows [1]
Category: Shades of London - Maureen Johnson
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vikki93/pseuds/Vikki93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Spoilers for The Shadow Cabinet* On Rory’s 18th birthday, she comes across Stephen’s collection of HIM albums. After listening to them, she realises that the songs describe her life & the lives of the people around her. A series of drabbles inspired by HIM songs. Some fluff, some angst, lots of Story :) </p>
<p>Mostly Teen but rated Mature for some later chapters</p>
<p>Stephen/Rory</p>
<p>Reviews are chocolate :)</p>
<p>Disclaimer: Chapter titles/lyrics belong to HIM. Characters belong to Maureen Johnson. No copyright intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding HIM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Rory's 18th birthday and she comes across Stephen's collection of H.I.M. albums.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rory, happy birthday to you.”

The group of people gathered around Rory in the flat - Stephen, Callum, Boo, Thorpe, Freddie, Jazza and Jerome - made the flat near impossible to navigate. There was simply too many people in the room. Rory laughed as they finished the song and took a drink that a random arm - she thought it was Jazza’s - offered her.

“Well, I’m 18 now but you have to be 21 to drink in Louisiana.” She looked out and smiled widely at the expectant faces around her. “So it’s a good job that I’m in London!” She downed her drink to a cheer while Boo’s voice called for music. As the music started, Rory spied the CD collection in the corner of the room and made her way to it, getting another drink as she went. Considering everything that had happened in the last few months, she deserved every drink that England had to offer. She looked across at Stephen who was chatting away to Thorpe on the other side of the room. He briefly glanced at her and offered a small smile before resuming his possibly serious conversation.

She made it to the CDs, miraculously unharmed in the over crowded flat, and scanned them for music she wanted to hear. Nothing caught her interest until she saw a band whose name she recognised: H.I.M. She was sure that Jerome had shown her their music once but she hadn’t paid much attention.

She picked up one of their albums and scanned it as she felt someone come up behind her. “H.I.M. Good band.” She turned around to see Stephen looking at the album over her shoulder. She smiled. “Yeah, I heard them once. I think. Do you like them?”

To her surprise, he chuckled a little. “Yeah, they’re my CDs.”

Rory nodded. “Oh, well then, yeah, I guess you like them. You wouldn’t have bought them otherwise. Although, I remember this one time, someone in Benouville completely bought out an entire collection of CDs from the shop so that they could stick them on their wall. A sort of weird art deco thing.” She shrugged as Stephen chuckled again. She liked the sound. It was nice that he had become a little less serious. Mind you, it might have been because he’d had a few to drink. Either way, the tension that existed between them seemed to be a little lighter in that moment. She pushed the CD at him. “Can we put some on?”

“Of course, it’s your birthday. You choose the music.” He took the album and made his way to the CD player, tripping over his feet a little as he went. Yep, he’d had a few. H.I.M played for the rest of the night, and Rory listened to the lyrics in wonder. It almost sounded as if they were singing about her life and the lives of the people around her.

“Rory!”

Rory shook herself out of her trance to find Boo right in front of her. “I’ve been calling on you for ages. You looked completely out of it. You alright?”

“I’m fine. Just thinking about how these songs sound like our lives.”

Boo laughed. “I think you’re over thinking things Rory.”

And as Rory lay on the couch later that night - Stephen had offered her his bed but she didn’t think sleeping in his room was going to help that oh so wonderful tension between them, even if he wasn’t there - she couldn’t help but think about the lyrics of the song she heard. And she figured she’d be thinking about them for weeks.


	2. Killing Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While exploring an old mansion, Rory has a fall and hurts her ankle leading to Stephen tending to her. Inspired by Killing Loneliness

_With the warmth of your arms you saved me  
I’m killing loneliness with you_

“Stephen, calm down. It’ll be alright. This place ain’t as bad as people have been saying. Haven’t even seen a ghost yet.”

Rory watched as Stephen paced the room backwards and forwards. He looked concerned but that was just his resting face. And his happy face. And his sad face. In fact, that was just his face. Rory remembered the one time she had heard him laugh. It had actually unnerved her. Now they were in an old abandoned mansion that was supposedly haunted but they had yet to come across anything. Probably just some paranoid locals hearing pipes settling and thinking it was something else. “After everything we’ve been through, I think we’ll be able to handle this.”

Stephen threw a glance at Rory as he paced. He stopped for a moment before letting his head fall back and sighing. “I know we’ve been through worse than this. I just wish I knew what was going on. Probably nothing but we have to be sure.” He looked back at her but she was looking out of the window now. He smiled softly at her and quickly turned away as she looked round.

She had turned around just in time to see his smile before he had turned away. She smiled to herself before standing. “Y'know, you actually have a nice smile. You should use it more often.” She walked to the door of the room they were in before turning back to him. “Right then. Best thing to do is to explore. I’ve never spent much time in a mansion before and I intend to enjoy it.” With that, she opened the door and stepped out into the corridor.

“Rory! Wait! We don’t know this place well enough to just wander off.” He followed her out into the corridor tutting. God, he loved her but she never changed. Actually, he was relieved at that. That’s what made him fall for her. She was actually waiting for him in the corridor which gave him a sense of relief. Whenever Rory ran off, things tended to go wrong. “So,” he said with a sigh, “where do you want to explore first?”

She frowned slightly at the question. “Actually, I don’t know. Does this place have a kitchen?”

She saw him raise his eyebrows at the question. Are you being serious? they screamed. “Ok, ok, I’ll stop thinking about food.” He had to bite back a laugh. Seriously, Rory and her food. He smiled slightly at her. She searched for an answer in her head. Good places to explore? Bingo! “How about the garden?”

“Ok, the garden it is.” They made their way through the hallways heading for the garden. As they walked, Stephen scanned each room they passed checking for any potential danger. He mumbled to himself. “I just don’t know…”

Rory walked alongside him and looked across. “Just try and relax. Seriously, this place can’t be any worse than what we’ve seen in London. It’s just your average thousands-of-rooms-not-enough-people-to-live-in-it mansion. No biggie.” When they finally found the door that led to the garden, Rory skipped ahead and went through it. She hadn’t realised that there were stone steps there. Her foot caught on the first step and sent her flying down the remaining ones. Fortunately, there was only about four. “Damn!” She looked at her hands. Scraped. Brilliant. When she tried to move her foot, she hissed in pain. It was either sprained or twisted. Either way, it hurt.

Stephen watched as she fell and reacted immediately. He ran down the steps and was with her in seconds. “Christ! Rory, are you ok?!” He dropped to his knees beside her and examined her foot. She winced a little. His voice was gentle. “Sorry.” He carefully had another look. “I think it’s just sprained. Some ice should do the trick. Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He tried to lift her so that she could hobble but when she put weight on the foot, she cried out and crumpled into his arms. She looked at him helplessly, tears in her eyes. Her offered her a small smile of reassurance. “It’s alright, I’ve got you.” He lifted her into his arms to carry her. She was as light as a feather.

He carried her to a living room and lay her down on the couch gently. “I’ll be right back. I’m getting ice.” He left her on her couch with a smile and ran to the kitchen. He knew it was only a sprained ankle but if there was one thing he hated, it was Rory in pain. He went into the freezer and broke out some blocks of ice to wrap in a towel before returning.

When she was on the couch waiting for the ice, she leant her head back against the armrest and let her mind wander. While she didn’t like having a sprained ankle, she wasn’t about to complain when Stephen carried her. It was probably the closest they had been since, well, everything. She let her mind go back to their first kiss, the way that he had realeased the weight of the world and given in to his feelings. The way each of their kisses got longer and longer. The way he laid a hand on her scar and made her feel beautiful. Of course, his death and resurrection just had to go and make things difficult but she was damned if she wasn’t going to try and get it back. It was clear what they felt for one another. It was simply a question of who would make the first move.

She raised her head as she heard him come in. He smiled at her as he walked into the room and waved the ice filled towel at her. She smiled back and felt the instant relief of the cold against her ankle. “Thanks. That was pretty stupid, huh?”

He sat down on the table beside the couch and smiled at her. He teased her. “Yeah, kinda was.” He smiled brightly at her, worry gone. He had seen nothing to suggest that this mansion was a danger to them. He looked at her gently. “You know, you were right. This place isn’t so bad. Nothing here but dust and cobwebs.” He paused a moment lost in thought and said, almost absent mindedly, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Stephen Dene, are you finally relaxing?” She giggled a little before looking at him solemnly. “I’m glad I’m here too. If I had stayed in Bristol, I may have gone mad.” She remembered how she had been alone and freaked out in Bristol with no one to talk to. “I would’ve missed you. I like to think you would’ve missed me too.”

He smiled at her. “Of course I would’ve missed you.” His mind went back to the way she had hugged him at Wexford when she saw him again. How relieved he was to have her near him again. He had told himself that it was so he could look after her but he knew it was more than that. He realised that he needed her, maybe even more than she needed him.

He smiled at her gently. “Rory Deveaux, what would I do without you?”

_I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb  
I’m killing loneliness_


	3. When Love and Death Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rory becomes upset due to a scratch on Stephen's temple and the memories that it brings, his attempts to comfort her lead to an arguement in which feelings are finally expressed. Inspired by When Love and Death Embrace.

***Written with the idea that they can remember the underworld***  
  
_I’m in love with you_  
_And it’s crushing my heart_  
_All I want is you_  
_To take me into your arms_

He had it checked what felt like a hundred times now. It had been 12 hours since it happened, 12 hours he had managed to successfully avoid Rory. He was fine. It was just a bump on the head, a surface scratch. Every doctor he had seen had confirmed that. And 12 hours later he was still ok. He had woken up from an afternoon sleep and was fine. The only evidence of his tiny fall from that morning that still remained was a small plaster which covered the rather insignificant scratch on his right temple. What a place to get a scratch, he thought. Same as the car crash. He went now in search of Rory. He missed her. Thinking about his accident had made him think about their kiss. It also made him think about when she had followed him into death to bring him home. He was glad he had those memories now. As strange as they were, every memory with Rory was precious.

He found her in his room. It was 8pm and she was putting away some shopping. He had cleared some drawer space for her in his room so she was often in here now. She had her back turned to him but she had heard his voice at the door so she knew it was him. “Hey,” he came in and closed the door, slightly nervous about her reaction to the plaster. “Have you been buying anything nice?”

She hadn’t seen Stephen since the previous afternoon and vaguely wondered what he had been up to. “Just some new clothes,” she said in answer to his question as she turned around. The smile she wore faded and the words she was about to speak vanished when she saw the plaster on his temple. Her mind flashed back to the makeshift bandage Callum had made him after the car crash, to the way they couldn’t wake him up the next morning, to the doctor telling her, Callum and Boo that it was too late. Her memories of Stephen’s death flooded her head, followed by the way she had searched for him, found him, brought him home, vowed never to lose him again. She rushed up to him, placing her hand on his temple, looking into his eyes, stuttering as she spoke. “Stephen, what….? When..? Are you ok?” She fought the tears in her eyes. Of course he was ok, he had to be. But he had seemed ok last time as well.

His heart broke when he saw the panic overwhelm her and heard it in her voice when she spoke. When she placed her hand on his head, he put his own hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. His voice was a whisper. “Shhhh, it’s ok. I’m ok. Listen, I fell this morning. I’ve had it checked a few times now. I’ve slept since, I woke up again. It’s alright. It’s just a scratch darling.” He gently took hold of her hand and brought it down to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss on it before placing his hands on her arms. “The mark will probably be gone by tomorrow.”

He pulled her into an embrace. God, he wished he could hold her like this all the time. Rory Deveaux, safe in his arms where nothing and no one could ever hurt her. Rory listened to what had happened with a quivering lip. He was ok, she told herself. The danger point had long since passed. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to a calming point and when he hugged her she wrapped her arms around his middle and held on for dear life. He quietly soothed her as she stood there, his arms encasing her. She could hear his heartbeat. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him again.

In her mind she could still hear the sirens and, worse still, the clinical beeping of the heart monitor. She had begged him to wake up, heard the flatline and refused to let go of his hand. She remembered finding him in that house, agreeing to the ceremony, drinking that weird mixture, kissing him to bring him back to her in the diner. She remembered how he had told her he wanted her, _needed_ her, but couldn’t be with her. The awkwardness when he was living once more, the way they had gotten over it but never quite made it back to what they had been in his fathers flat. He had never quite said in life what he had said in death. When she felt his hand stroke her head her tears escaped from her eyes and she began to sob into his chest.

He felt her heaving against him and pulled her tighter. “No, no, no, it’s ok sweetheart. It’s ok. Shhh..” He whispered to her and she sobbed, her tears breaking his heart. “What’s the matter? What’s the matter? It’s ok..”

He gently pushed her away slightly and made her look at him. Tear tracks stained her face as more tears fell from her eyes. He gently used his thumbs to wipe away the tears before planting a small kiss on her forehead. He could hear her breath coming to her in sobs as she tried to calm herself. He pulled her back into his embrace as she did. After a moment or so, when she had finally calmed, he looked into her eyes again. He smiled gently at her. “There, it’s ok, it’s ok, everything’s ok.”

She didn’t know if it was because she was upset or because it was Stephen telling her it was ok. Whatever it was, she snapped. She couldn’t do it anymore. She pushed herself away from Stephen, who looked more than a little confused, and let loose.

“No it’s not ok! Don’t tell me it’s ok! You have no idea what it was like! You, you….”, her sobbing overtook her but she battled her way through her argument. “You lying in a hospital bed, dying, nothing we could do. Then you were gone! And we couldn’t find you. I thought I’d lost you! I did everything! And then I found you. I literally followed you into..into…wherever the hell it was! I brought you back! And for what?! You not being able to look at me because of some awkward tension?! Everything you told me when we were in that place, you have never said to me since we got back!”

She sucked in the air around her, fighting back more tears. She rubbed her eyes violently, ridding herself of her tears. “Sometimes I wonder if you even care! Maybe I am just a goddamn stone to you! That’s why you keep me close isn’t it!?”

Stephen stood in shock at Rory’s outburst. He was saddened at first but he became angry when she accused him of not caring about her. Despite his better judgement, he soon yelled back.

“Of course I care about you! You, Rory Deveaux, are perfect. You’re kind, caring and you are so much more than just a terminus! And you’re annoying. You keep getting yourself into trouble, you keep running off, you never stop talking and you are everything to me! Do you know what you mean to me? But I’m no good at saying these things! You think I’m being awkward?! Did it ever occur to you that you are the first person I’ve ever felt this way about? You’ve had Jerome! You know how to be in relationships. But I’ve never, never felt like this about anyone before!”

He threw his arms up in the air before running them through his hair. He knew his mouth was running away with him but he couldn’t stop it. “You think I don’t care about you? That I only keep you close because you’re a terminus? You couldn’t be more wrong! Goddamn it Rory,  _I love you!”_

He stopped speaking the moment he heard what he said. Great, that was not how he wanted to say that for the first time. She stood in silence as he paced the floor. He looked annoyed more at himself than at her. It took a moment for Rory to process what he had said.  _He loves me. He said it_. Her anger disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived. She had never considered that she was his first, well, anything. Her heart beat quickly in her chest as she realised that she had been his first kiss.

She smiled to herself and wordlessly approached the stalking Stephen. She laid a hand on his arm to stop him and placed another on his check. The hand on his arm slid to his chest just as it had done when they first kissed all those months earlier. He was taller than her so she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach. He seemed to know what she was doing and didn’t protest. Instead, he lowered his head down to her to make it easier for her to reach him.

She had been wanting this for a while now. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Clearly, they both wanted this. Her eyes closed as she took in the moment. His lips were soft and the tension between them vanished the second their lips met. When he felt her lips against his, the rest of the world fell away. Nothing else on the planet mattered now except for them. The kiss was gentle, almost as if neither could believe it was happening. He moved his lips against hers slowly before pulling away to look at her. He looked down into her eyes and smiled before moving back in.

He deepened the kiss between them and moved his hand just under the hem of her top and rested it on her scar. The scar that proved how strong she was. The scar that only made her more beautiful. It was a part of her and all of her was perfect. He remembered how he had done this before, feeling alive for the first time. Damned Callum had chosen that moment to walk into the room. Rory felt the hand on her scar and smiled into their kiss. She hated that scar. She was worried that it made her ugly, repulsive and unattractive. She worried that it was enough to drive any man away from her. But the way Stephen touched it made her feel beautiful. It made her feel like the scar was something to be proud of. For the first time in a long time, she felt beautiful. He felt one of her hands on his cheek and the other on his waist. He soon felt her pulling him closer until both of them were slowly moving across the room and he was vaguely aware that she was pulling them both towards the bed. He broke their kiss again. His words came from him in a sigh. “Rory, I… I haven't… I’ve never…”

His forehead rested against hers as he spoke. There was fear in his voice. She spoke in a whisper. “I know. Neither have I. It’s ok.” She kissed him again and pulled him closer to the bed, Stephen allowing himself to be led by her. She gently lay them both down on it. “We’ve always faced the unknown together and this is going to be no different.”

 _I love you_  
_And you’re crushing my heart_  
_I need you_  
_Please take me into your arms_


	4. In Joy and Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen returns to Eton in order to say one final thank you and goodbye to Peter, the ghost that saved his life. Inspired by In Joy and Sorrow

***spoilers for The Boy in the Smoke. Trigger warning - mention of Stephens suicide attempt***

_We are young and lost and so afraid_

Stephen stood on the dock gazing out over the river. Eton stood in the distance, tall and brooding, quite like the boy who had once went there. The sun had risen only an hour earlier and the light it gave reflected on the water. He didn't really understand what had brought him back here. All he knew was that he had felt the urge. Something had made him want to come here one last time. This was where he nearly died. This is where he realised he wanted to live. Perhaps he just needed to stand here and appreciate being able to. The river lapped quietly in the breeze as his gaze turned towards the boathouse. He remembered the night he had went there never planning to leave again. He remembered dangling, begging for it to stop. He had made a mistake. He had realised that immediately. And then the chair was back, the earth stood still and his life changed forever.

Peter. The wind itself seemed to echo the name. The boy who had saved him. The boy who had died here decades ago but had never left. The boy who couldn't live without the boy he loved and so decided not to. Another young boy, as lost and afraid as Stephen had been. The boy who had thanked him and kissed him on the cheek as Stephen freed him from his existence. He could still remember how he had described it: like a fairy tale, saved by the handsome boy. Freedom by any means. Stephen often wondered if he had done the right thing but then he would remember the look of relief on Peters face when he said he could leave.

He hadn't come here since the day that Peter finally left. He knelt gently and placed the flowers he held down at his feet. This is where they had sat that final time. He rose again slowly, staring at the flowers he had placed. Footsteps gently approached him and he felt a hand slip into his. He squeezed his eyes shut and smiled at the contact. Rory never said a word, knowing that he needed the quiet. A silent offering of comfort, a lifeline to hold onto, a reminder that he was not alone and would never be again. He closed his hand around hers, thankful that he had brought her with him. They both stood there quietly for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was soft.

"I was 17. My parents had come to see me for the Fourth of June: a celebration. The largest one of the school year. I said that I wished Gina was there and they told me I was making a scene. My father even threatened to toughen me up in the car park. But I was bigger and stronger than him so that threat went nowhere." Birds chirped in the trees behind him as he spoke. "He told me I should of done something, that I could've stopped her using drugs. He made it my fault she was dead." Rory looked up at him, pain in her eyes. She was going to kill his parents one day. She knew it. She watched him as he went on. He was staring out towards the river. "That night I went to the boathouse. I wanted it to be over, I wanted it to end. Maybe I would find Gina and I'd be happy again." He squeezed her hand gently, needing to remind himself that he was there with her, that everything was ok now. She squeezed back, reassuring him. "The next part you know. I was interrupted. His name was Peter. He saw that I regretted what I had done and saved my life. He told me how he had got there. He had thrown himself into this river in the late 40s. He had kissed the boy he liked and it hadn't gone well."

As he looked at the water, he imagined Peter kissing Simmons, having his heart broken and allowing himself to sink. He squeezed his eyes shut again. "He told me that he wished he could leave, that he was sick of being trapped in the boathouse. He told me to go off and be a policeman and I promised to visit him. I didn't even think he existed then but I still promised. When I got the terminus, I came back. He was sitting here. Right here. He was so happy to see me. I told him I could help him leave. And I did. He kissed my cheek before he left. He was thanking me. He saved me, and I saved him. Two little Eton boys. Young. Lost. Afraid. Now he's gone. He's no longer lost and no longer afraid." He turned his body to her and smiled, resting his forehead against hers. He laced his fingers through the hand he held and did the same with the other. "And now, neither am I." She smiled at him before gently pressing her lips to his. She spoke in a whisper. "And I'm gonna make sure you never are again."

They walked away from the dock hand in hand, the sun shining down on them. Rory stopped for a moment and Stephen looked at her questioningly. She gave him a small smile before turning her head back to the river.

"Thank you, Peter, for saving him."  
_  
We are strong and blessed and so brave_


	5. Join Me In Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory has a nightmare about the underworld and is comforted by Stephen when she awakes. Inspired by Join Me In Death

***Written with the idea that they can remember the underworld. Trigger warning - brief mention of blood***

_We're so anxious to be together, together in death_

The house was different in the nightmare. Darkness crept in around her as she followed Charlotte up the stairs. There were too many stairs. She felt as if she was forever climbing but not getting any higher. She wanted to give up and that's when she got to the next floor. Charlotte, a manic grin on her face, was pointing inside an empty room. No, not empty. There was a bed and a chair. The bed was empty. She walked into the room. Something was wrong. This wasn't how it happened. She turned back to Charlotte who was still smiling like a crazy person. Perhaps she was. Rory turned back towards the bed. No, of course it wasn't empty. Stephen was lying in it. How could she not realise that Stephen was there? This was how it happened. Jane was in the room too but all she cared about was Stephen. She could hear Jane's voice but couldn't hear the words. Perhaps she had forgotten what she said. She heard one sentence though. "This is the boy you love."  _Yes, this is the boy I love_ , she thought.

Suddenly the room was gone and she was back downstairs. Stephen was on the floor, his feet on the Oswulf Stone. She wore a long white gown. She looked like an angel with no wings. She felt like an angel about to descend into Hell. She felt blood trickle down her arm from the cut as shadows danced around her. "Demeter" was the only word that she could hear them say. She was too focussed on Stephen to notice much else. The drink. She remembered the drink. She didn't know if it would kill her when she drank it. All she knew was that it would take her to where Stephen was. If that was death then so be it. At least they would be together. She drank.

London was dark in the underworld and yet darker in the nightmare. The wind howled around her. "Stephen!"  _The diner_ , she thought, _he was in the diner_. She searched. She ran through the streets for hours, hunting for the diner. It wasn't there. She screamed. She cried. This isn't what happened. She had found him. She had followed him here, to the underworld, to death, to find him and yet he wasn't here. No, this isn't how it happened. The streets melted around her, forming again like a horrific painting come to life, trying to trap her. She was on a roof. She saw Aldshot across the way and realised she was in the roof of Hawthorne. Why was she at Wexford?

"Rory."

She gasped, searching for the source of her name. Was she hearing things? Was it the wind? No, that sounded vaguely like Stephen.

"Rory."

He was there, standing in front of her.

"Stephen?" She approached him carefully. "Thank God, now we can go home."

"You should have come back here."

"What do you mean?"

"It wouldn't have happened if you had come back here, to Wexford."

Her breath caught. No, he never said that to her. This wasn't what happened. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. This was her own mind blaming herself for this. This wasn't real.

"Rory."

Stephens voice was growing louder. She shut it out, desperate for this nightmare to end.

"Rory."

Louder still. And suddenly she was falling, the wind rushing past her as she plummeted to Earth. She screamed as she heard his voice once more, more urgent this time.

"Rory, wake up!"

She awoke with a scream and almost immediately found herself wrapped in Stephen's arms. She gasped in the air as she scanned the room. Stephens room. No,  _their_  room now. This was real. He was here.  _I found him_. His voice was gentle. "It's ok, you're awake now. It's over."

She looked at him then, gently pulling herself away from him. "I had a nightmare."

"I know. I've been trying to wake you for a few minutes now."

She put her head in her hands, trying to establish the reality around her. "What time is it?"

"8 o'clock. Do you want some water?"

She nodded and he kissed the top of her head before he stood. Despite her panicked state, Rory couldn't help but appreciate Stephen wearing nothing but his Eton sweatpants. She smiled a little to herself and he noticed. "Good, a smile on your face. That's what I like to see. Happy Rory." She laughed a little and he gave her a quick smile and wink before getting his dressing gown from the back of the door. "I'll be right back darling. I promise."

He walked through the flat to the kitchen and saw Boo and Callum already there. He closed his dressing gown around himself.

"Morning."

"Morning," they both replied. Stephen grabbed a glass and filled it with water as Boo spoke.

"I heard a scream a couple of minutes ago. Like, a proper panicked one, yeah? Is everything alright?"

He looked at her softly. "Rory had a nightmare."

Boo frowned sadly, sympathetic. "Poor girl."

"Give her a hug from me, yeah," Callum's voice piped up from the table.

"And from me," Boo echoed.

He smiled at them both. "Will do."

He made his way back to his and Rory's bedroom and went in quietly. She stood at the window looking out onto the street, her back to him. He walked over to her. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Her voice was barely above a whisper and when she turned to him, his heart broke when he saw tear tracks down her face. She took the glass off him and drank, sipping the water slowly.

He sat down on the bed and took her hand, gently pulling her to him. She sat down next to him.

"What did you dream?"

She cradled the glass in her hands, looking down at her feet. Her voice was still broken from crying. "About you. About Jane and the ceremony. I went to get you, to bring you back. I drank the stuff she gave me thinking it would kill me but I didn't mind cause then I could go and find you. And I did find you. But it was different. You said..." Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed a sob. Stephen gently put his arm around her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. She sniffled and cleared her throat. "You said that none of it would have happened if I went back to Wexford. And you were right." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "It was all my fault." She sobbed again and began to weep as Stephen pulled her closer. His voice was soft.

"It's ok. Listen to me. Listen to me. Hey." He gently turned her head towards him so that she was looking into his eyes. "It wasn't your fault. I promise. What happened, happened. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't Boo's, it wasn't Callum's. Honestly, it was mine. _I_  crashed the car. That was _my_  decision. It was rash, I didn't think. I just reacted to the situation." He laughed lightly to himself. "To be honest, when it comes to you, I don't tend to think." She smiled gently at him. "My point is, you can't blame yourself for things that weren't your fault. If you do, you'll drive yourself mad. Trust me, I know."

Rory nodded in understanding. "Regina."

He smiled at her sadly and nodded. He stood and gently pulled Rory to her feet, wrapping her into a hug. "This is from Boo and Callum." She chuckled as he gently stepped away so he could look at her. "And this is from me." He softly placed his hands on either side of her face and lowered his head to hers. Their lips met in a soft kiss as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. He broke the kiss slowly and kissed her forehead before pulling her back into the hug.

"I love you."

She smiled into his chest. "I love you too."

The sound of his heartbeat comforted her. She remembered finding him in that house, in that bed. He had no heartbeat. Then she had saved him. She had followed him into the underworld and brought him home. And she would do it all again.

Jane may have been crazy but she was right about one thing: this was the boy she loved.

_Won't you die tonight for love?  
Baby, join me in death_


	6. Lose You Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the hospital brings back memories that Rory would rather not remember. Inspired by Lose You Tonight.

_I was waiting for you,_  
_Waiting for all my life_  
 _And I'm not gonna lose you tonight_

She held the phone to her ear and fell silent. The ground seemed to give way and she felt like she was falling although she was still standing straight. She felt the phone get taken from her and heard Thorpe finishing the call. She let her arm drop limply to her side. When the phone was hung up, she was vaguely aware of movement around her. Thorpe was talking to Freddie, urgency lacing his voice. Rory stood still, a statue amidst the frenzy. Her thoughts ran in no order, no logic to them. She felt an arm around her -was it Thorpes? - pushing her gently but firmly towards the door of the flat. She left in a daze, not really concentrating on what she was doing. She was guided to the car, the door was opened and she was gently sat in it. The door closed next to her and the person that guided her - yes, it was Thorpe - quickly placed himself in the drivers seat and pulled away. She let her head fall back against the seat as he manoeuvred his way through the dark London streets. The city flew by her as she watched.

Thorpe shifted the gears of the car as he raced through the streets, quickly throwing concerned glances towards Rory every so often. The phone call wasn't that serious and yet Rory hadn't been able to finish it. He knew that she hadn't heard much of what Callum had said. He had told Thorpe the same thing but he was ready to bet his life that Rory had stopped listening after the word 'hospital.' He knew where her mind had gone. His had flashed there too. But he had to go and see that everything was ok and he decided Rory should come with him. The sooner she saw that all was fine with the world, the sooner she'd be able to pull herself out of the trance she'd put herself in.

Rory closed her eyes and her mind wandered back to _that_  morning, all those months ago, the day the world stopped turning. She remembered everything right down to the time: 9:46am. The drive was quick and yet not quick enough. When they finally reached the hospital, she sat staring at it until Thorpe had all but pulled her out of the car. They walked to reception, Rory barely there. She heard Thorpe ask what room they were looking for and suddenly found herself in an elevator. The door opened onto a corridor that could have been any corridor in any hospital in the world. It was so clinical and so bleak. She saw Boo standing by one of the rooms, waving them over. She spoke to someone in the room out of sight, before walking down to meet them. Callum appeared at the door where she had been.

Rory hadn't realised that Thorpe had been guiding her again until he stopped. With a nod to Boo and a quick "take Rory," he went off ahead to talk to Callum. She watched as he walked away before finding herself in a hug from Boo. She managed to return the hug despite feeling numb. When Boo pulled back she smiled at Rory reassuringly. There had been no smiling last time. It gave her the energy to walk unaided. They walked slowly, Rory almost afraid to approach the room. She didn't know if she could bear the sight within. "What's wrong?"

Boo looked at her questioningly. "I thought Callum told you and Thorpe over the phone."

Rory nodded. "I'm sure he did but I didn't really hear anything past 'hospital.' I kinda zoned out and I'm still busy zoning back in."

Boo smiled gently and turned Rory to face her, hands on her shoulders. "It's alright. Just a fractured leg, yeah? Nothing serious. He'll be right as rain in a few weeks."

Rory bit her lip and nodded, before swallowing the sob that fought to escape. She turned to walk back to the room before she was stopped once more.

"Just one thing. It was hurting him, yeah? So they gave him a shot of morphine. He's still sleeping but I don't think it'll be long before he wakes up."

"As long as he does wake up, I won't mind."

Boo offered a gentle smile as they closed the distance between themselves and the door of the room.

There were no machines this time, no clinical beeping. The only noise that came from the room was the sound of Thorpe and Callum talking. Thorpe sat at the back of the room, Callum in a seat near the bed. Rory felt Boos hand rub her back reassuringly.

Stephen lay on the bed, a cast around his right leg. His glasses lay on the table beside him, his arms by his side. His breath was slow and even and, most importantly, his own. She remembered the last time he was in a hospital bed far too clearly. Each and every waking moment of that nightmare was seared in her memory. She had held his hand, begging him not to leave. She had refused to lose him. She hadn't. And she wasn't going to lose him tonight either. Callum rose from his seat when he saw Rory go pale and walked over to her, placing an arm around her shoulder. "It's alright. This isn't like last time. I swear it to you."

She turned her head to face him and smiled, blinking back the tears in her eyes. She nodded. "I know. It's just...hard not to think about."

He squeezed her shoulder gently. "I know, Ror. I know."

He walked her back to his seat and sat her down on it before getting another from the back for himself and Boo. Rory glanced over to them and noticed the way Callum held Boo's hand and ran his thumb over it lovingly. She smiled at the pair before turning her attention back to Stephen. She gingerly reached for his hand and closed hers around it. It was warm, not the cold touch from the last time. She sat silently watching him thinking about how quickly things had changed. They had awoken that morning in their own bed, still entangled in each other's arms from the night before, or rather, the early hours of that same morning - she smirked and briefly wondered if she blushed thinking about it - and now he was here in hospital, in a bed that was so different from theirs. Theirs was warm, comfortable, safe and loving. This one was cold, bleak and devoid of anything that they shared. She suddenly realised that she had no idea how that had happened, how it had gone from being a perfectly good day to one where he was in hospital with a fractured leg.

She turned back to Boo and Callum, still holding onto Stephens hand. "What actually happened?"

Callum sat forward and cleared his throat. "A ghost pushed him down onto a wooden beam. Most of him avoided it but his leg crashed straight into it full force."

Rory winced on Stephens behalf. "How did that manage to happen?"

"Well we got a call in about things going wrong in a pub, things getting moved in the night, weird banging. Y'know, the usual. So we went to have a look and, sure enough, there was one of them just standing there. I wanted to fry it -"

"Him," Boo interjected.

Callum looked at her with a brief smirk which she returned. Rory couldn't help but smile at them. Callum, eyes still on Boo, spoke again. "Him." He raised his eyebrows, silently asking if she was happy now before turning back to Rory.

"Anyway, I wanted to fry him from the start but Stephen insisted on talking. But he," - he threw a smirk at Boo, while Rory was sure she just felt her hand receive a gentle squeeze,

"-wasn't very interested in talking." Callum's sentence was finished by a groggy voice from the bed and Rory wheeled herself round to face a now smiling Stephen.

"Well," Callum said brightly, "I'm sure Stephen can tell you. I'd love to hear this story from the viewpoint of someone high on morphine."

Everyone in the room giggled, even Thorpe, who sat smiling from the back of the room. Rory smiled down at Stephen who had yet to look at anyone but her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

"Are you ok?" She smiled, fighting back tears of relief as Stephen smiled up at her. He gave her hand another gentle squeeze.

"Yeah. I'm fine, sweetheart."

She nodded, before placing her other hand on his cheek and leaning down to him for a gentle kiss. She rested her forehead against his. His voice was a whisper. "I love you."

She sniffled and wiped away a lone tear that had escaped her. "I love you too." She sat back again, suddenly remembering that they weren't the only two in the room.

Thorpe cleared his throat before standing. "Well I'm sure the three of us can do with a coffee."

He signalled to Boo and Callum to come with him, the both of them quickly understanding.

"We'll leave you two to talk."

Rory handed Stephen his glasses and they both watched as they three of them exited the room, Boo and Callum throwing them wide smiles as they did. Rory's lip quivered a little as the door closed. Stephen, even drugged, noticed everything.

"Are you ok?"

She turned to him, tears in her eyes, and bit her lip. "I am now. But seeing you here..."

She shook her head as she bit back the crying that threatened to overcome her. She sighed heavily. "I'm ok. And so are you."

He nodded in understanding, lacing his fingers through hers. "And so am I."

They sat silent for a moment before Rory spoke again, her voice broken and barely audible.

"Stephen?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't lose you again."

He smiled at her gently. "You're never going to."

_I'm not gonna lose you tonight  
No, I ain't gonna lose you tonight_


	7. Resurrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While visiting Dr Marigold, Rory remembers when Stephen woke up and they talk about when he fell in love with her. Inspired by Resurrection.

_One by one  
Your pale fingers started to move_

Relief, that feeling you get when you've been worried about something but then you realise everything is going to be ok. Like when you walk into an exam, open the paper and realise that you do in fact know how to answer. Like when you get a cut on your leg and the doctor says no, they won't have to amputate, all it needs is a plaster. Or when the boy you love dies, you find a way to bring him back and then it works. Ok, maybe that last one was a little out there but that was exactly what Rory felt when Stephen came back. She had awoken before him and crawled to his side. Everything else in the room didn't exist. She needed Stephen and she needed him alive. Her heart had stopped when he wasn't waking up, even as Sid and Sadie did. The breath left her lungs instantly and she got the bizarre feeling of falling although she was already on the ground. It didn't work, she had thought. And then he was awake. He was fighting.

That was then. She stood now in Dr Marigolds living room staring at the spot where Stephen had lain. She could remember the scene that followed immediately after she had woken up. Not a trace of that was left now. That must have been a serious cleanup. She could hear Thorpe and Dr Marigold talking in the kitchen but she couldn't hear what it was about. Some official business she figured. Not that she cared at the minute. Her eyes and thoughts were fixated on the floor. Footsteps came up behind her slowly, a faint limp detectable from his almost entirely healed fracture and she felt arms wrap around her gently. She wrapped her own arms around the ones at her middle and smiled as Stephen gave her neck a quick kiss before resting his head against hers.

"Try not to think about it."

"Think about what?"

"You know what."

"I want to though. It's a good memory. I've never felt relief quite like it."

They stood for a couple of moments wrapped in each other before Rory spoke again. "I've never asked. When did you start?"

"When did I start what?"

"Liking me?"

" _Liking_  you?"

She chuckled. "Ok, ok. I get it. A bit more than 'like.' When did you start _loving_  me?"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Sometimes. Do you?"

"I never used to." He planted another soft kiss on her neck before whispering, "until I met you. But I didn't realise it until you left for Bristol. Then I realised how much I missed you. And I started thinking about it and I realised that I'd always felt that way about you. But you were still with Jerome then so I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even act like I loved you. You needed me to be your friend so that's what I was. Until you kissed me. Then I was yours forever."

She twisted around to face him and kissed him, throwing her arms around his neck. He sighed happily at the contact and pulled her closer, running his tongue along her bottom lip. She parted her lips, deepening the kiss between them. They parted for air and smiled at each other breathlessly.

"Your glasses are foggy."

Stephen chuckled before placing one last, soft kiss on her lips.

"Ahem."

They broke apart quickly as Thorpe cleared his throat, arms crossed but with a subtle look of amusement. Neither had any idea which part of the kiss he had walked in on but both were sure that he saw more than anyone in that room wanted him to see. Rory stood bashfully as Stephen removed his glasses and wiped them clear with his shirt.

"If you two are quite finished, we have work to do."

Stephen spoke seriously. "Of course, we'll be right out."

Thorpe raised his eyebrows at the pair before leaving the house and walking to the car. Rory and Stephen followed behind. Before they exited the house, Rory turned to face Stephen with a smirk and a gleam in her eye. "Shall we resurrect this later?"

She took a sharp breath and rolled her eyes when she realised what she said but Stephen just laughed. He motioned for her to turn and walk out the door but before she opened it, she heard his voice whispering huskily in her ear. "I'd like nothing better, my darling."

 _We've been slaves to this love_  
_From the moment we touched_  
_And keep begging for more_  
_Of this resurrection_


	8. For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After witnessing something and misuderstanding what he saw, Stephen's relationship with Rory is briefly brought into question as he wonders whether she truly wants to be with him. Inspired by For You

_I'm for you - and I'm dying for your love  
I'm for you - and my heaven is wherever you are_

"She just doesn't seem to understand."

"So just tell her straight that you don't like her."

Rory hadn't seen Jerome since her 18th birthday party so, on a rare good day, she decided to give him a text and see if he wanted to hang out.

_**Hey dumbass, I'm free. Wanna do something?  
Sure thing, jerk.** _

So Stephen gave her a lift in the car and now she was walking around Spitalfields Market with Jerome, eating a bag of pick 'n' mix and listening to him stressing over some random girl.

"I've tried. Several times."

She shook her head at him. "I dunno then. Tell her you have a girlfriend. She doesn't know it's not true."

"Knowing her, she'll probably want proof."

He sighed heavily and kicked his feet. "I dunno what to do."

She frowned and reached into the paper bag for another sweet, dismayed to find it empty. She looked around for a bin and shoved it into her bag when she couldn't find one.

"Wanna go outside for some air?"

He looked around at her and smiled. "Sure."

They wandered out into the London air, the noise from the streets almost deafening Jerome's exclamation. "Damn it!"

Rory spun round to face him, alarmed at his outburst. "What's wrong?"

Without looking at her, Jerome nodded his head down the street. "Blond hair, pink top."

She turned to look. "I see her."

"That's her."

"Ohhhhhh."

The girl noticed Jerome and waved as Rory spun around quickly.

"Laugh."

"What?"

"Laugh, like I said something funny."

After a second, he laughed and so did she, like they were sharing a private joke. Rory didn't dare turn around again. She didn't want the girl to know she saw her. "Is she still looking?"

He frowned. "Yeah, she's coming closer."

Rory sighed and bit her lip, thinking hard. She shook her head slightly. "Ok, what I'm about to do, I'm doing only as your friend and it's going to last no longer than five seconds. I'm counting. That should be enough to convince her that you're not available."

And with that, she kissed him. He inhaled sharply as she did but very quickly understood what she was doing. He placed his hand on her cheek and they counted. One...two...three...four...five. They broke the kiss simultaneously and Jerome looked over Rory to the girl. She stood there, her mouth open slightly before she turned and walked in the other direction. He smiled. "It worked."

"Good."

She smiled at him before checking her watch. "I should really get back."

"Yeah, well this was...good. Thanks."

She smiled. "See ya, dumbass."

"Later, jerk."

She giggled as he walked away and she pulled out her phone to text Stephen.

_**Hey, can you pick me up or are you busy? Xxx** _

The reply came almost immediately.

_**I'll get you. Same place?** _

Rory frowned a little. Since they became a couple, he'd always added at least one kiss to the end of each text he sent her. Maybe he was just too busy, and she was over thinking it.

_**Yeah xxx** _

_**I'll just be a moment.** _

Or maybe he just forgot. Twice. She put her phone away deciding that she was just overreacting to absolutely nothing as a police car came down the street and parked opposite her. She went over as Stephen exited and opened the back door for her. Although she was an official member of the squad she couldn't ride in the front cause she wasn't in uniform. She smiled as she went over. "Hey!"

"Hi." His voice was hard, cold and a little sad. She hadn't imagined that.

She climbed into the car silently and waited for him to climb in the front. "What's wrong?"

He turned the key and the engine roared to life. "Nothing."

Rory leant back into her seat, concern lacing her features. It was the quietest drive of her life.

They were the only ones in the flat when they got back and the thought of her and Stephen alone normally thrilled her but now it was unbearable. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Thoughts swam in her mind about what could be wrong. Had they fallen out without her realising? No, everything seemed fine when he dropped her off this morning. He smiled, wished her a good day and gave her a quick kiss. Nothing at all happened to suggest that they had fallen out. The kettle hissed as it boiled and she poured a cup of hot chocolate for herself and a cup of tea for Stephen. Seriously, hot tea? The English. She gently carried them through to the living room where Stephen was now engrossed in his laptop. She set the cup down next to him without a word. He nodded at it in acknowledgement. She sat down in the chair opposite him, staring, hoping that he would look up at her. She cradled the cup in her hands, the heat starting to burn a little but she barely noticed. He kept typing away furiously. When he finished, he sat resting his head on his folded hands and read over what he had typed. She couldn't take it anymore. She stood and closed the laptop. "Tell me."

He looked up at her slowly. "Tell you what?"

"What the matter is. Something's clearly wrong."

He stared at her for a moment, both of them silent, before he opened his laptop and started typing again. Rory stood watching him, confused and angry, before she walked back into the kitchen. She leant against the fridge for no reason other than needing something to do. After a few moments, Stephen followed her in. She didn't look up at him. She stared down at the floor.

"I don't mind you hanging out with Jerome. I don't mind at all. You need some friends that are...not us. I'm not a jealous boyfriend."

She looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I know that."

He barely acknowledged her. He just kept talking, each word that came from his mouth seemingly hurting him more and more. "But if you think you made a mistake, that you should still be with him, you should just tell me. You don't have to sneak around behind my back."

She pushed herself off of the fridge almost violently, disbelief and worry now evident in her voice. "What are you talking about?"

He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, holding it as he spoke to the floor. "I came to get you. We got a call in from Thorpe. So I drove down the street and I saw you both. I saw you kissing him. So I drove off. Look -"

He sniffed hard and threw his eyes around the room, shaking his head softly before putting his glasses back on. He still didn't look at her. She was fixed intently on him.

"- if you want to break up and go back to him, just say. I won't keep you in a relationship that you don't-" his voice cracked and he cleared his throat and the words that followed were a broken whisper, "-you don't want to be in."

Rory's blood ran cold. Her heartbeat sped up or maybe stopped altogether. No, no, no, no, no, this was not happening. Her brain was screaming. She could not lose him, not now, not after everything, not because of a stupid misunderstanding like this. Death couldn't part them but a stupid thing like this could? Her breath caught and then stopped coming. She needed to make him understand but no words came out. She just gasped in the air around her instead, her legs turning to jelly beneath her. She could hear Stephens voice but it seemed miles away.

"Rory?" His voice was anxious, fearful.

A sob escaped her as her legs gave way and she felt herself falling to the ground. But she didn't hit it. Instead, she saw Stephen lurch forward and felt his arms around her, catching her, supporting her and half walking, half carrying her into the living room. She tried to talk again but her voice was ragged and uneven. "No, no, no you don't, you don't, it wasn't..." His voice still sounded distant, almost drowned by the sound of her own heart beating in her ears.

"Rory, listen to me. It's ok, just breathe. Take deep breaths darling. Deep breaths."

She was sat on the couch, Stephen next to her, arm around her shoulder, comforting her. He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "It's ok, I've got you. I'm right here, you're alright. Deep breaths." She shook her head and tried to talk. "You..you..you don't under-understand."

She wiped her eyes furiously and forced herself to look at him, taking a deep breath and praying she could get a few sentences out. "It wasn't like that. That kiss, it was nothing. We were trying to trick a girl who practically stalks him into thinking he had a girlfriend so she would leave him alone. You may have seen her near us. Blond hair, pink top."

Stephens eyes lit up and a small smile of relief crept over his face. He pulled Rory closer, so that she was cuddled into him and he guided her through her panic attack.

Her voice was small when she spoke. "Please tell me I'm not going to lose you."

"You're not. You could never lose me. I could lose you but you would never lose me. I'm sorry. This panic attack was my fault."

"No, it wasn't."

"I don't believe that."

She laughed gently. "Stubborn."

He chuckled and rubbed her shoulder. "Yeah, that's me."

"You believe me about Jerome though?"

"Yeah. If you wanted to leave me for him, you wouldn't have had a panic attack at the thought of losing me. Although, you would be that weird."

They both laughed at that. "So, we're ok?"

"Yeah, sweetheart. We're ok."

They sat quietly for a moment.

"Stephen?"

"Yeah?"

"You could never lose me either. I'm yours."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "And I'm yours."

_In 777 ways I love you 'til my death do us part_


	9. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen watches a sleeping Rory and reminisces about their first kiss. Inspired by Beautiful.

_Just one kiss and I'm alive_  
_One kiss and I'm ready to die_

If someone asked Stephen Dene to describe the word 'beautiful,' he would give one definition: Rory Deveaux. Likewise, if anyone had asked him to describe Rory in a single word, he would tell you that the only word to describe her perfectly would be 'beautiful.'

Stephen had woken before her and now lay on his side watching Rory sleep, gently caressing her arm with his fingers. She lay with a smile on her face and it thrilled him to know that he had put that smile there, along with the blush which still shone faintly on her cheeks. He smiled, still completely in awe at how perfect she was and how lucky he was to have her. Beautiful was truly the best word to describe her. Beautiful in every way. He looked over her shoulder to the clock on the bedside table. It was 8:50am. He decided to let her sleep for a few more minutes. She had told him to wake her when he woke but they had both had a late night. They had been out until nearly midnight on a call and they were all tired when they got back in. "Go straight to sleep you two," Callum had said with a laugh and they both agreed. But the moment they were in their room and Rory began kissing him passionately, they both realised they weren't as tired as they thought and as they fell onto their bed, they both knew sleep was going to be a couple of hours away.

He brushed a stray stand of hair from her face and carefully tucked it behind her ear. She murmured happily in her sleep and cuddled closer to him. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander back to their first kiss.  _His very first kiss_. She had been through so much, she was worried and upset and yet she wanted to kiss him. His heart went to his mouth and then out through his feet when she placed her hand on his bare chest, the warmth of it radiating through his body and making him forget about the dull headache he had.  _That bloody headache_. But she was scared and upset so when she closed the gap, he did the hardest thing he ever had to do. He gently said her name in quiet protest. He drove his car straight into another one not an hour before that but that wasn't as hard as trying the gently dissuade Rory from kissing him. He didn't mean it and she knew that. Deep down he knew that her mind couldn't be changed and he thanked everything that might exist for that. But was he trying to stop it because she was upset or because he was scared? He had never kissed anyone before whereas she had Jerome. She knew what a good kiss felt like. What if he was terrible? What if he let her down?

The moment their lips met for the first time, he knew it was fear. But it disappeared at that first gentle touch and he let it out in a sigh before closing his lips around hers. He had been wanting this for so long but he had resisted because he thought he shouldn't. But each time they pulled away only to meet for a longer kiss made him more confident, less fearful, less unsure. His hand even slipped under her top so that he could feel the warmth of her skin and the scar which proved how strong she truly was, and the gentle, quiet and utterly beautiful moan she gave against his mouth only made him want her more. He wanted to make her make more sounds like that. But Callum had walked in. And nothing had been the same after that. He remembered going to sleep that night thinking about her and knowing that he could die happy because he had finally kissed Rory Deveaux. The irony was bitter.

He felt her stir next to him and opened his eyes once more. It was 9:10am and he realised he had been starting to dose off again. Rory stirred again, and he gently whispered her name.

"Rory?" He stroked her cheek softly. "Rory?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Good morning."

She groaned and stretched before smiling at him. "Good morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

She groaned happily before pressing herself against him. Her voice was husky. "I slept very well."

"Good." He gave her a small kiss, just as perfect as every other kiss they had ever shared, and smiled at her.

"What time is it?"

He looked over her shoulder again. "Quarter past nine."

"Hmmm, well I don't think they're expecting us up for a little while..." She laid her leg over his as her voice dropped to a whisper, "and I can think of something to pass the time. It certainly _feels_ like you can too."

He chuckled slightly before pulling her leg tighter around his waist, both of them moaning softly at the contact.

"I like the way you think."

Beautiful truly was the only word.

_Oh and you're so beautiful_  
_My darling_


	10. In the Nightside of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Wexford closes for the summer holidays, Rory visits Alistair in the library. Inspired by In the Nightside of Eden

_In the nightside of Eden  
We're born again dead._

He watched silently as they came to and from the library at Wexford. Some came for the books, others for the privacy to make out. He always rolled his eyes at the latter, cursing them with a voice they couldn't hear and silently laughing because their privacy wasn't so private. Now and again, but not often, someone came along who said hello and Alistair would just look at them with quiet amusement before returning the hello and going back to his book. The ones who said hello never seemed to realise that they shouldn't be able to see him.

He never expected to be stuck here forever. He figured that he would finish his two years and go off to live his life. He never expected the asthma attack that killed him. And he certainly didn't expect to spend the rest of his existence stuck in the school he hated, cursed to watch students making out and being ignored by everyone but those who had faced death and lived to tell the tale with a new ability of seeing the dead. And then there were those who could see him but make out with their boyfriends in front of him regardless. Like Rory.

He smiled a little and shook his head. He still liked her. She was one of the few friends he had. It's hard to make friends when you're dead. She sometimes still came along to say hello, always in the holidays when the school was closed and she always kept her distance. She had explained something about him being blown up if he touched her and, as much as he hated this place, he didn't really fancy the sound of being on the wrong end of an explosion.

It was quiet now. The school had closed for the summer a couple of weeks back and he appreciated the privacy that brought. He sat on the floor of the aisle as he always did, expecting to hear footsteps approaching. He had been expecting them for a while and when he heard them, he smiled but continued reading his book until they stopped at the end of the aisle, plenty of distance away. The lights in the aisle went on and an American accent spoke. "Hey."

"Hey," he said, looking up from the book for a moment to see Rory standing there. "Quick question. How do you keep getting in when the schools locked up?"

"That's a secret. Let's just say I have a way."

"Oh, very mysterious." He looked back down at his book and began reading once more.

"Would you rather I didn't come?"

"You can if you like. I'm not stopping you."

She smiled at that. He saw it briefly above his book. He smiled in return. Inwardly. He would never tell her but he was actually glad to see her, even if just a flying visit. It was kinda boring being here by himself.

"So," he continued, "how goes the new secret life? Y'know, if you can talk about it."

"I can't say much. But it's going fine. I'm happy."

"Good, that's a good thing to be."

He smiled at his book, but he knew that she'd understand it was for her.

"So is everything going ok round here?"

"As ok as everything can be in Wexford. I still have that number to text if I need to, don't worry."

"Ok then."

He glanced above his book again and saw her checking her watch. "Well I'd better go. This was just a quick hello. Thorpe, my supervisor, literally counts seconds."

"Ok."

"I'll be back again soon."

"Next time the school closes?"

She laughed. "Yeah."

"See you at Christmas then."

"See you then."

She started to walk off and he lifted his head from his book. Whatever this new life was, she seemed to be enjoying it. But from the little she could say and what had happened recently, well a few months back, gave him the fairly accurate impression that her new life could be dangerous. He called after her. "Rory?"

He heard her footsteps double back. "Yeah?" She appeared at the end of the aisle once more.

"Take care of yourself." He smiled at her and nodded and she returned both.

"I will, I promise."

"Ok then. Until Christmas."

She smiled at him widely. "Until Christmas."

She walked off again, leaving Alistair to his book. The library was quiet once more, uninhabited except for the one ghost who would be re reading all of the books there forever, his punk look ageing without him.

The lights in the aisle flicked off.

_Forever we are  
Forever we've been_


	11. The Path (Part 1 of 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen has a nightmare about his time in the underworld. First of two parts. Part 1 inspired by The Path

***Written with the idea that they can remember the underworld.***

_I see through the darkness my way back home_  
_The journey seems endless but I'll carry on_

He had walked from the bedroom, a smile on his face, with Callum at his ear teasing him, good heartedly, about the kiss he had just walked in on. He laughed it off and settled himself down on the sofa. He had kissed Rory and he couldn't believe it. It was the best moment of his life and yet this was a thing that couldn't possibly happen. His duty to The Shadow Cabinet wouldn't allow it. Still, he had allowed himself to imagine the possibility. He had closed his eyes and leant his head back against the seat, holding onto the make shift bandage so that it wouldn't fall. He could still feel Rory's mouth against his.

The darkness was consuming. It enveloped everything and he felt like he was falling. He could hear Rory's voice, begging him not to leave. He tried to scream, tried to call to her, tried to tell her that he would never leave her but he couldn't move, couldn't speak and it felt like he couldn't breathe. But she was begging, pleading and it was breaking his heart. He fought. He didn't know what it was he was fighting but whatever it was, he fought hard. He fought for Rory. Her voice disappeared as the darkness overcame him.  _No_ , he thought, _no! I'm not leaving her!_  Nothing in Heaven or Hell would make him leave her.

He closed his eyes against the darkness, praying to the God he wasn't sure he believed in not to take him away from his friends, his life and from Rory. He wasn't sure how much later it was when he opened his eyes but, when he did, he was sat in an American diner with no idea how he got there. He looked around at the diner, empty except for himself, and found it vaguely familiar. Where had he seen this before? He let his mind wander back and remembered being here with Regina when he was thirteen. Why was he here now? How did he get here? The more and more he thought about it, the more he remembered about the diner and the harder it was to remember anything but his weekend in London with Regina. He squeezed his eyes shut, took off his glasses and rubbed his face.

He couldn't forget the six years that had happened since, there were too many things from that time were too important to forget. He forced himself to think about them and to list them and to keep doing so. Eton, his suicide attempt, Peter, restarting the squad, Boo, Callum, the Ripper, Rory. He kept running through them in his head while his thoughts were replaced gradually by Regina and his past. Regina, hanging, Peter, the squad, Boo, Callum, the Ripper, Rory. Regina - was she in the toilets? - Eton, hanging, Peter, the squad, Boo, Callum, the Ripper, Rory. Regina - he was sure she was in the toilets, Eton - yes, he was going there in a year, the squad - what squad? Boo and Callum - who? Rory - he knew that name. It wasn't her actual name. It was Aurora. He had kissed her, she had begged him to stay. He had to hold on. He had to get home to her. He would do whatever it took, no matter how long it took.

Regina - yes, she was in the toilets. She met her friend and they went in just a few minutes ago. Eton - he was going in a year. He was the only one at school who had passed the entrance exam. Rory... He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion - he didn't know a Rory, did he? And yet, when he thought of the name, he couldn't help but imagine a hot Louisiana day.

_With every step I take, the less I know myself_


	12. Venus Doom (Part 2 of 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen has a nightmare about his time in the underworld. Second of two parts. Part 2 inspired by Venus Doom.

***Written with the idea that they can remember the underworld.***

_She'll be the light to guide you home_  
_Just give her a kiss worth dying for_

She sat in front of him and he thought he knew her. Her eyes, the way she sat, the way she looked at him and the accent. A southern American one. He knew that voice. Was this Rory? All he could do was ask. "Rory?" He knew it when he said it. Something about saying her name made her more real both in his memory and in reality.

His thoughts swam as they spoke to each other, confusion building inside of him. There was something he should know, something he knew until recently. He couldn't pull his mind from the spiral it went into and he was sure that he had forgotten something important. The darkness in his mind was frightening but the girl sitting before him, the girl who seemed to know what he had forgotten, the girl called Rory shone in front of him, the only light in the darkness. But the light wasn't strong enough and the dark was closing in.

And suddenly, the girl moved. She was next to him and he was looking at her, lost and hopeless. The darkness was too strong, the light she radiated too weak. Her hands were on his face and he pleaded silently for this girl he knew, this girl he could almost remember to help him. And she kissed him. The light exploded behind his eyes as her lips moved against his. He thought he should resist - had they done this before? - but couldn't. He wanted to kiss her too much. He moved his lips against hers, the feeling familiar. His memories came in flashes: Eton, his suicide attempt, Peter, the squad, Boo, Callum, the Ripper.

 _Rory_. Aurora Deveaux. The girl from Louisiana, the girl he had met when he had to protect her from the Ripper, the girl that he had always loved but who had never found out until his need to return her kiss betrayed his feelings. This was the girl who he would do anything for, anything at all. How could he forget her? He remembered now. Her kiss had saved him. She was the light that would take him home.

They broke apart and she said his name. "Stephen."

Her voice was soft, almost a whisper as she said it again. "Stephen."

He furrowed his eyebrows. He had deja vu. Had he done his before? He started panicking again. He had done this before, but things were different. Why was it happening again? But the scene changed and now he was in her room in Louisiana. He looked around at her life and he knew that this woman was worth fighting for. And he would fight. He would keep fighting.

"Stephen." He focussed on her voice, concentrated hard on the way his name was said by her accent. She was the light. He would follow her home. "Stephen."

Her hand was stroking his cheek as he woke in their bed. The sun was streaming through the windows. He blinked hard a few times trying to get the sleep from his eyes before placing his hand over hers and bringing it to his lips.

"Stephen, are you ok? You looked like you were having a bad dream."

He looked at her, gazing into the dark eyes he had once forgotten. Without a word, he quickly caught her lips in his for a desperate kiss. This was the woman who saved his life, these lips were the ones that brought him back. He needed to feel her there with him, he needed to show her how important she was, how special, and how much he loved her but words would only fail him. So he said it in his kiss. She returned it in earnest before they both broke it gently.

She sighed happily. "That was good. What was that for?"

"You came after me. You brought me home."

"Is that what you dreamt about?"

"Yeah."

"I dream about it too sometimes."

"What happens in your dreams?"

"I can never find you. And when I do, it's not in the diner. It's always somewhere else and everything is always wrong. What about you? What happened in yours?"

"Well it started in my father's flat. Then it was dark and you were begging me not to leave. So I didn't. I was in the diner and I remember forgetting everything. It was like I lost myself. But then you came and saved me."

She smiled softly. "And I would do it again."

She placed her hand on his cheek again and he turned his head slightly so that he could kiss the palm of her hand.

"And I would do it for you."

 _Just show me her life worth living for_  
_And light up the dark_


	13. Face of God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While out shopping with Boo and Rory, Freddie reflects on her life as a shade. Inspired by Face of God

_I dream what you're dreaming_  
_And feel what you're feeling_

They sat that morning in the flat, finally free to enjoy a relatively normal day. After debating what that normal day should include, Callum decided go for a run and made Stephen go with him "so that he can do something that isn't paperwork or Rory" - which earned him an elbow from Rory and a blush from Stephen - while the girls decided to enjoy a day out shopping. Rory and Boo walked slightly ahead of Freddie, arm in arm, bags hanging from their arms, laughing and talking about everything ranging from fashion to their boyfriends. Boo joked about Callum being athletic with a naughty gleam in her eye, asking Rory if Stephen was athletic too. With a similar gleam, Rory replied that he was _very_ athletic - thank you Eton - and winked at Boo before both fell into a fit of giggles. It didn't take long for Freddie to figure out that 'athletic' was a euphemism.

Years ago, Freddie Sellars wouldn't have believed that she would end up being able to see ghosts, yet alone joining a secret division of Scotland Yard dedicated to managing the presence of them. And yet where she was, well not currently out on a call, but still with two of the new friends she had made through the entire experience. To say that she hadn't expected her life to take such a direction would be an understatement.

Rory turned her head and held out her other arm, beckoning Freddie to join onto her and Boo. Freddie smiled and did, and the three walked arm in arm, not exactly the best idea on a crowded London street. Rory smiled at Freddie widely and Freddie gave a small smile back before Boo spoke, a little concern in her voice.

"What's the matter Freddie? You seem awfully quiet."

"Hmm?" Freddie looked over at Boo and smiled. "Nothing. Just getting used to this."

"What? The weather? Yeah I know. Enjoy the sun while it's here, it won't last forever. I bet Rory's used to weather like this. Hotter, yeah?"

Rory laughed. "A good bit hotter, yep. But I get the feeling that's not what Freddie's talking about."

She looked over at Freddie questioningly, almost careening the three of them in front of a bus. Boo laughed and pulled the three of them back into the middle of the street, very nearly pulling them down onto the street. They all broke down into fits of laughing, attracting the disgusted looks of passers by. Boo helped Rory and Freddie balance themselves again. "Look at us, you'd think we're drunk. I think everyone else thinks it."

When they finally composed themselves, Boo looked at Freddie a little more seriously. "So sweetie, what's up? Everything's ok, yeah?"

Rory looked over at Freddie a the same time as Boo did and gave her arm a sympathetic squeeze.

"Yeah, everything's fine. It's just..." She looked around to make sure no one was really paying attention to anything they said, "this life. It's something else isn't it?"

Both Rory and Boo smiled at her. Rory spoke. "Yeah, it is. You should've seen me when I first found these guys. I actually think you've been handling this a lot better than I did back then."

Boo walked over to Freddie and gave her a hug. "And if you need to talk, we'll listen. All of us. We understand." She pulled back and looked at her with a smile.

Rory stepped closer. "Yeah, all of us do. It takes some getting used to but we're all still getting used to it. I'm not even sure you can get used to it. But the important thing is you're not in this alone."

Freddie smiled widely at them. It was a relief for her to have friends who knew, friends who understood, friends that didn't think she was weird. "Thanks guys."

They both smiled at her and the three linked arms again determined to resume and enjoy the rest of a sunny, relatively normal day. Rory smirked as they walked down the street. "So Freddie, tell us. Your ex-girlfriend, was she athletic?"

Both Freddie and Boo burst out laughing and Rory joined them. Years ago, Freddie Sellars wouldn't have believed that she would end up being able to see ghosts yet alone joining a secret division of Scotland Yard dedicated to managing the presence of them. And yet, as difficult as she sometimes found it to adjust, walking down the street, laughing arm in arm with Rory and Boo, she knew that she wouldn't change it for the world.

 _You dream what I'm dreaming_  
_And see what I'm seeing_


	14. Close to the Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum thinks about his relationship with Boo and how that has changed his views about ghosts. Inspired by Close to the Flame

_The kiss sweetest and touch so warm_  
_The smile kindest in this world so cold and strong_

Boo lay sleeping as Callum dressed. His job on the underground often saw him awake early and he savoured the moments in the morning when he could just watch Boo sleep. She always lay there peacefully, the sun shining gently on her face. It was moments like these that made life worth living. It was Boo that softened him. Since his accident, he hated ghosts and felt happiness only when terminating them. And even when Stephen, his best friend, died he objected to the idea of him being a ghost with all of his being. He hated Rory - well, he didn't really, he never truly could, she was like a little sister to him - for doing what she did and he couldn't bear the idea of his best friend being one of them. But he had looked regardless. He had searched. Even then, he was trying to see things through Boo's eyes. If Stephen was still there, in any form, he would find him. Even if he was a ghost, he was determined to love him all the same even if he had to force himself to.

But that was neither here nor there now. Stephen was alive, safe and just down the corridor, no doubt asleep with Rory in his arms. He smiled gently at the image. He knew that Stephen had adored her from the start and he when he caught them kissing, he was delighted for him. Even if he hadn't expected him to actually act on his feelings - although, he had it on very good authority that Rory kissed him first. Regardless, they were together now and happy. Like himself and Boo. He knew that Boo had liked him forever and he felt the same but he always thought that this life would get in the way of them. But then he realised that the life they had could only be shared with each other. They had been together for a few months now, since the night that Stephen came back. In the sewers they thought they might die and realised that if they survived, they wanted to survive together.

He fastened up his uniform as he watched her slow and gentle breathing. The smile on her face was the sweetest thing in the world. To him, she was the sun in a world that consisted of night, the kindness in a cruel world. Even in their little group, she was the first to show true kindness to ghosts. Stephen was nice enough to them, but didn't really befriend them. Callum just wanted to terminate them. Boo actually befriended them, saw the humanity in them. He admired that. He loved that.

He finished getting dressed as Boo stirred a little in her sleep. He watched her, his eyes soft and loving. He checked his watch. It was 7am. It was too early to wake her. Instead, he took a slip of paper from his notebook and wrote a small message.

_**I'm working early. I didn't want to wake you. I promise not to use the terminus today unless completely necessary. I love you xxx** _

He placed it on his pillow before leaning over and giving her cheek a gentle kiss. With a final whispered "I love you" that he knew she wouldn't hear but he needed to say regardless, he softy left the room and walked through to the kitchen. He finished the cup of tea he made earlier before getting his terminus and slipping out of the flat. He always kept it on him but he was determined to use it less and less. Besides, he had made a promise to the woman he loved.

He found a problem about an hour into work. A ghost too near the signal, stopping the trains. A few months back, he would have terminated it - _him_  - without a second thought but he kept the terminus out of reach and approached the ghost -  _the man_  - with caution.

"Excuse me?"

The man turned to face him with a questioning look. "Yes?"

"I'm afraid you're too near the signal. You're disrupting the trains. I don't suppose you could move?"

The man looked blank then smiled. "Of course. My apologies. I hadn't realised. Where would it be best to move to?"

Callum looked at the man curiously. They didn't normally respond like this. Perhaps they were more human than he thought. "Errr, just few feet to the left or right should be fine."

The man nodded, smile still on his face and moved. "If I continue to cause problems, please let me know and I'll be sure to move. I wouldn't want to disrupt anything."

Callum nodded. "Will do. Thanks. Bye now."

"Good day."

Callum walked back to the platform, radioing in that the problem should be fixed. He waited for the next train to pass through and when it did with no problems, he left the station to take another call. That had been easier than expected. Perhaps Boo was right all along.

 _The arms safest and words so good_  
_The faith deepest in this world so cold and cruel._


	15. The Sacrament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an encounter with his parents, Stephen realises who his family really is. Inspired by The Sacrament.

_My weak prayers are not enough to heal_  
_The ancient wounds so deep and so dear_

It was certainly the last thing he had expected when he left the flat that morning.

Stephen's day had started normally. He awoke to see the sun streaming through the window onto the sleeping form of the woman he loved, his arms wrapped around her as she slumbered peacefully. He had gently moved her so that he could stand and went to take a shower, preparing his uniform on his side of the bed before he left the room. He had stood in the shower, letting the heat of the water wake him fully before exiting, wrapping a towel around his lower half and shaving the light stubble from his face. By the time he got back to his room, Rory was awake and preparing her own uniform on the bed. Although she hadn't completed her training yet, Thorpe had secured her a uniform so that she could ride out with Stephen in the car in case he needed a terminus, safe in the knowledge that he would protect her. Boo and Callum had Jane's two termini and Rory was the only one left. She looked across at him and her eyes brightened at his still slightly wet, towel clad body. He walked over to her with a "good morning" and a smile and the small kiss he gave her soon turned into them tumbling onto the bed, towel gone, pyjamas frantically removed and uniforms forgotten.

When they finally left the flat, uniformed and ready to go, they jumped into the car and patrolled, radio on listening for anything from Thorpe. They had chatted and joked as the day wore on, the late September day cloudy but warm, until a call came in about a power failure at Harrods. The staff had kept everyone inside for their safety in the dark. What really made the case interesting, Thorpe had said, was that a worker had seen someone next to the power supply, someone who looked sickly grey and seemed misplaced in time, someone that no one else had seen and every time the power was turned back on, this person would turn it back off. Stephen looked at Rory, both of them understanding the situation, and sped off to Harrods. They discussed if they thought the ghost was dangerous, if Rory would have to take care of it or if Stephen could just talk the problem away. They went in with flashlights, straight to the power supply, found the ghost. It lashed out at them so Rory had to terminate it. They sat for a few minutes while Rory recovered, Stephens arm around her, a glass of water in her hand, before they turned the power back on once and for all. They went up to talk to the shoppers and the staff to calm them and that was when Stephen's perfectly average, perfectly normal day stopped being perfectly average and perfectly normal.

It was certainly the last thing he had expected when he left the flat that morning.

For the first time in what felt like forever, he came face to face with Edward and Diana Dene: his parents.

His heart pounded hard, so hard he could almost hear it in his ears. Their gaze fell on his and their faces hardened at the sight of him in his uniform. He remembered their disgust when they found out he was in the force and they had never seen him in uniform. Their eyes darkened as they exchanged disgusted looks with each other. He could feel Rory's eyes on him, wondering why he had gone so silent, why his back had gone so stiff. He took a deep breath out and spoke evenly, trying to steady the beating of his heart. "Ladies and gentlemen. There is no need to worry, it was just someone messing with the power. The problem has been resolved and you may all continue with your day."

A murmur went through the crowd of shoppers as they dispersed and he hoped his parents would simply leave but they didn't. They just stood there, staring, and he could feel the hate in their eyes.

"Stephen?" Rory's voice was questioning and concerned.

Without taking his eyes from his parents, he spoke. "I'm fine."

Rory followed his gaze and she saw two people she thought she recognised. She couldn't quite place them but then it came to her. She had seen them in a photo. She had hated them even then. His parents. The people who forgot about him, the people who didn't love him enough, the people who refused to talk about his sister, their daughter, the people who had tried to make Stephen feel guilty for her death, the people that Rory hated before she even met them. She took his arm. "Come on, let's just go."

He blinked hard before looking at her. "Yeah, you're right. Let's get out of here."

They turned to walk away but both were stopped by a voice behind them. "Looks like I wasted my money after all."

It was deep, it was cold and it filled Rory with even more hatred than she had ever thought possible. She glanced sideways at Stephen and saw that his jaw was clenched. He took a deep breath in before turning to his father. He spoke pleasantly, politely, almost sickeningly so. "Yes sir. It would seem that you did."

"Stephen, let's just go. They're not worth this."

"What was that she said? We're not worth your time?" He turned to her now. "We're his parents and we would thank you to keep your nose out of our business."

She grit her teeth but kept her voice even. "Yeah? Well I'm his girlfriend so it's my business too and I would thank _you_ to wipe that sneer from your face."

Stephens breath hitched next to her and she could see from the look on his face that he had just bit back a laugh.

"Where in America are you from, girl?"

Her teeth ground so hard that she was sure it was audible. " _Rory_. My name is Rory. And I'm from Louisiana."

He turned back to Stephen, disgust lacing his voice.

"So, you're not just a plod, you're dating some American whore?"

If Rory thought she had hit boiling point, she couldn't even begin to imagine what point Stephen was at. His breath hitched again but this time it was not from biting back a laugh. He advanced on his father slowly while Rory stood planted to the spot. His mother looked around frantically, hoping that there wouldn't be a scene. His eyes grew dark, his face hardened and his voice was low and steady, menacingly so. "Don't you  _dare_  call Rory that again."

His father backed away slowly from his taller, more athletic son and turned to his wife. "Come Diana. We're leaving." They hurried off, away from any impending scene, leaving Rory and Stephen standing alone. She approached him slowly and gently took his hand, leading him out of the shop back to the car.

Once they were sat inside of it, Rory radioed in to Thorpe that Harrods was clear while Stephen ignited the engine and pulled away. He was quiet. They were almost back to the flat when he spoke. "Are you ok?"

"Hmm?" Rory had been looking out of the window and turned at the sound of his voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. What about you? Are you ok?"

"Yeah." But he wasn't.

He spent the next couple of days quietly doing paperwork, but hardly concentrating on it. He couldn't help but wonder why his parents hated him so much. He could never truly understand why his entire family, save Regina, didn't care about him and -dare he think it? - didn't love him. Not once had they ever told him that they loved him.

He figured Rory had told Boo, Callum, Freddie and Thorpe about the encounter because they kept doing the little things; bringing him tea, giving him cake, patting his back as they walked past him. And sometimes it was the little things that helped. And he began to realise that "I love you" can be said in lots of different ways. And everyone around him was saying it.

Callum took him for a run so that he could get some fresh air. "You can't stay cooped up in here all day, mate. Come on. A bit of fresh air will do you good."

Boo brought him cups of tea and sat chatting about nothing just so that he didn't feel alone. "Y'know, it's good to talk even if you don't feel like it. It helps, yeah?"

Freddie came over and deposited some crossword puzzles in front of him. "I know you like them so I saved them for you to do in case you get bored."

Thorpe came over with more paperwork and sat with a cup of tea, helping him fill it out. "God knows, you're the only person on the planet who enjoys paperwork but everyone needs help."

And Rory asked if he knew what day it was. He said no. "It's September 30th. It's a year today since I met you. And you changed my life completely." She kissed him.

And it hit him. Family isn't about blood, it's about bond. It's friendship, love and care. It's laughing together and crying together. It's arguing and shouting. It's apologies and hugs. It's spending Christmases and birthdays together, going to the pub and getting drunk together. It's getting take aways and watching movies in the living room in your pyjamas together. His parents didn't love him but that was ok because they weren't his family. His family was all around him. His family consisted of his friends who he adored and the woman he loved. They did care. They did love him. And he loved them. And he knew, for the first time in his life, what having a proper family was like.

 _The sacrament of love_  
_The sacrament of warmth is true_  
_The sacrament is you_


	16. Death is in Love with Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each of the squad realises that life will never be normal again but that they can always rely on each other. Inspired by Death is in love with us.

_It's not our fault if deaths in love with us_   
_It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts_

It had been a normal day for Rory. It was her first proper day at Wexford. She went to her lessons and managed to survive further maths. Then she went to hockey and amazingly managed to survive that too. She had ran back to Wexford in a desperate race to the showers and then went to dinner. She had the hot pot. Everyone was talking about the ripper so she had told them about her cousin Diane dating someone on death row. She went on to talk about the angel ministry, she had imitated her cousin channeling an angel and she felt the lump of beef slip down her throat. The world had gone white, the air wouldn't come.  _I won't survive this_ , she had thought. But she did. And it wasn't long later when she met the boy in the library. The dead boy who wasn't there until Rory had faced death and lived.

It had been a normal day for Stephen. It was the Fourth of June and everyone had gathered to watch the rowers with their flowery hats stand and salute and hopefully fall into the river. Stephen hadn't fallen. On the embankment, he had mentioned Regina. His mother was disgusted, his father took him to the car park and threatened him. It went nowhere. But his father blamed him for Regina and that lingered in his head for the remainder of the day. He had went numb and, in the early hours of the morning, drunk and alone, he had thrown a rope over a beam and kicked away the chair. The rope had cut his neck and he had realised his mistake but he couldn't stop it.  _I won't survive this_ , he had thought. But he did. And that's when he saw the boy that helped. The dead boy who wasn't there until Stephen had faced death and lived.

It had been a normal day for Callum. He had awoken that cold December morning and gotten ready for school. It was raining and freezing and the buses weren't running normally. He had checked his watch. He had to get to school and he couldn't be bothered to wait in the cold for a bus that could still have been half an hour away. So he ran through the shortcut his friend had shown him, the one that went through the Estate. It was normal, empty except for one cold, running boy trying to get to school. He saw it when it was too late. His foot was already in the puddle. The wire landed next to him and the electricity ripped through his body.  _I won't survive this_ , he had thought. But he did. And then he saw the boy who had thrown the wire in the water. The dead boy who wasn't there until Callum had faced death and lived.

It had been a normal day for Boo. She was having a lazy day in her pyjamas, lying on the couch watching tv. Her phone rang and she had answered it. It was her friend Violet asking if she wanted to go out that night. She had said yes. She had scoured her wardrobe for something good to wear and got picked up by Violet. Boo had assumed she wouldn't be drinking since she had her car but she was wrong. And Boo didn't think quick enough to stop her. She got into the car and saw the bollard too late to warn Violet. There had been smoke and blood and crying. Violet was unconscious.  _I won't survive this_ , she had thought. But she did. And then she saw a woman who helped her. A woman who had kept her calm and talked her though it. The dead woman who wasn't there until Boo had faced death and lived.

It had been a normal day for Freddie. She was delighted to be on holiday in Turkey while her father did research. She had promised all of her friends in school that she would take lots of photos and bring home lots of souvenirs. She was sunbathing and it was scorching hot. She eyed up the sea and told her mother she was going for a swim. She tiptoed in, the water deliciously cold and was soon far enough out to swim. She was enjoying the sun and the water when she saw it. It was too late to get away from it. The jellyfish stung her. She felt her body react to it violently as tears stung her eyes. _I won't survive this_ , she had thought. But she did. And then she saw people around her. People who looked grey and sickly. Dead people who weren't there until Freddie had faced death and lived.

It had been a normal day for Thorpe. He woke up, showered, ate breakfast and drove to Thames House ready for work. He sat at his desk, paperwork piling up, when he was called into his bosses office to talk about restarting a program that had ended violently in the early 90s. He had needed a few moments to believe what he was hearing. He was sure it was some kind of joke until the powers that be convinced him of its truth. The first person he met was a teenager named Stephen Dene. He would head the group. Then came Bhuvana Chodhari and Callum Mitchell. Stephen began vetting a young woman by the name of Freddie Sellars while, quite by accident, Aurora Deveaux came along.  _I wont survive this_ , he had thought, because Thorpe found himself the supervisor to a group of individuals who could see people who weren't there until you faced death and lived.

None of the six would ever have a normal day again. But they adapted. They accepted and understood that the world around them had changed. The five shades learned to live surrounded by death, seeing a world that others couldn't see. They accepted that they could see as many dead people as they could see living. Thorpe accepted that he had the strangest supervision job in the entirety of the secret service and he learned to live with that. And he defended them with every breath he could. He could think it odd, but if anyone else said anything, he'd be the first to call them out for it. None of them thought they would survive this strangeness but they did. And they survived it together, helping each other in a way only a family could. They had all seen death and lived. They could survive anything.

_I know it and I feel it_   
_Just as well as you do, Honey_


End file.
